Ok, I’m slowly recovering from my Nostradamus like status after not only correctly predicting our loss at Burnley, but nailing the exact score that would occur. I’d like to say it made me happy, but much like the 320 quid I won at 16/1 by correctly spotting in 2020 that we were going down like a stripper’s knickers (I call it “Misery insurance”) it really isn’t much of a silver lining around a rather large cloud.
One thing I did touch upon in my last piece was the fact that my Father is the holder of epic grudges. Jimmy Armfield was forever cast into his shit list for berating the club in 1984 when they failed to get through a snow storm, forcing the league game with Burnley to be postponed. Honestly, I think he’d had done that meme by his gravestone if he could have (nicely featured in the picture above… smooth Peter… smooth).
Now if I did his shit list across all forms of life, I’d need to write a novel, the old man is one not to forgive and importantly understands the pure entertainment value of this process. So if you see him in a pub, don’t start him on Gordon Brown selling the gold reserves, Thatcher taking the police off the docks, or nepotism in modern society… not unless you have a lot of down time.
This list will focus on the branch of his shit list that I like to call the “Petty corridor”, not Ben Petty, the lumbering and generally untalented early two thousands City defender, but more of a recognition that because of a one off lack of judgement, or poor decision, my Father has metaphorically created a voodoo doll for these people and wished a plague of locusts to descend on them. His curses obviously extend to the likes of our former owners, Leeds United, and tax avoiding off shoring billionaires that plague the current game, easy targets, so I thought we’d go a little more niche. Here’s five cases where my Father’s support for our beloved club, metamorphises into a kind of puerile dislike of someone or thing, that frankly is more entertaining than the entity themselves.
- Trevor Brooking
Trev is boring isn’t he? West Ham fans love him, he could send an insomniac to sleep with his middle of the road punditry in the eighties and nineties and he’s about as dangerous as a plain cheese sandwich. But Trev god bless him was tasked for some reason to look at Hull’s stadium needs in the dying days of Boothferry Park.. was it FA related? I would have thought so. Anyway he concluded that a 15,000 all seater stadium would suffice for us and that was it. Trevor Brooking’s name was frankly a swearword in East Hull and nothing he could ever do since could redeem it. Even the sight of the former England international on TV sets the old man off like a Tourette’s sufferer in porn shop. Poor Trev.
2. Michael Oliver
In the news today for sending off a Liverpool and Everton player at the end of the match last night, Mr Oliver isn’t especially popular with supporters from many teams. However in November 2013 he gave an incredibly harsh penalty for handball against us for Spurs to gift them 3 points with a 1-0 win. Steve Bruce went absolutely mental and got fined. The old man went twice as mental but the FA shockingly overlooked his rants. Much like Mr Brooking, his face cannot appear on TV without the big man grumbling “Michael Oliver, man of the match for Spurs in 2013” and such. Quite.
3. Roy Hodgson
Now I had to really think about this one. I know he doesn’t like Woy and that he gets the treatment whenever his jowly dinner lady face appears before him but I had to go deep into google to remember why. The origins are here.. https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/liverpool-fc-boss-roy-hodgsons-3388981
Roy in his wonderfully awful stint in charge of Liverpool had a hissy fit with City as he tried to recall Daniel Ayala, 3 weeks before the end of his loan spell and City (who had every right to) said no. He then spat out his dummy and said he wasn’t going back to City after his loan ended as we somehow got him injured, although why him being in Hull over Liverpool caused this remained a mystery.
His various downfalls after this point including his epic failure with the national team were seen largely by my Father as some sort of divine retribution for his churlish and antagonistic treatment of our football club. Unlucky Roy.
4. Cesc Fabregas
Or “Spit the dog” as my Father christened him. We all know the story, Cesc, dressed as a backing singer from Blue, entered the field of play at the end of City’s FA Cup quarter final with Arsenal in 2009. He had no right to be there and was not involved or on the bench that day. He then clearly spat at assistant manager Brian Horton and the FA went “Erm… big club… errr… we don’t care…. mmmm Spanish international” and that was that.
Not for the old man. He was thrown into the pit of those who would never return and thus each of his later career injuries or setbacks were met with a triumphant repost. I’m not certain of whether like James Richardson , Geoff is currently sat in a local coffee shop with a copy of Gazetta Football Italia, plotting the downfall of Como 1907, but in actuality… I wouldn’t rule it out.
5. Hull Fc/Grimsby Town/Scunthorpe United
Yes, it’s a fairly cheap move but these clubs doing badly just seems to make his little face cheer up. Historically you’ll know why, especially with the strength of Rugby League in the seventies and eighties. He said in 1982 as Hull FC played Widnes in the challenge cup final that “I hope they both lose” and then delighted in the fact the 14-14 all draw meant that nobody had won.
You’d think that both Scunny (currently marooned in the 6th tier of English football) and Grimsby would be beneath him as for all intents and purposes the last fifteen years has seen us occupy a vastly different world to them, but old wounds apparently don’t heal easily. He just “keeps and eye out” for them, which means he looks for their results and checks they haven’t won, then has a little smile to himself.
Even better still, he’s no fan of Rugby League but will regularly tune in to the Friday night game just to cheer on whoever FC play, and to double down he’s quite ambivalent when it comes to Hull KR and appears to hold no grudges. Sometimes it really doesn’t have to make sense.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this. As ever send my Dad your hate tweets @thelikesofhull and let’s hope we have something to provide us with some actual happiness soon, rather than just the old man hexing half the football world. UTT.